Letting Go
by SssuperB
Summary: What happens after the last scene of Blues for Sister Someone. Oneshot. Derek's POV. Addek.


**A/N:** Ok, this is my first fic ever, excluding Squee. I'm aware that my writing is horrible, so please bare with me. If you believe that I'm the worst writer in the world, feel free to tell me (kindly) and I'll gladly never write a fic again. With that said, this is just something I started because I was bored in class. It's my interpretation on some things and what I wished happened after the last scene of _Blues for Sister Someone_. I hope you find something to enjoy about it. Please R&R.

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Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Grey's Anatomy. 

Derek woke to the sound of Addison's breathing.

Her head lay upon his chest, her hair cascading over her shoulders and his arm. Addison's hand rested lightly on his chest, moving up and down as he breathed.

Derek only had one thing on his mind right now, and that was Addison.

He admired her beauty as she lay there peacefully sleeping. Her hair was glimmering from the sunshine coming through the window. He could feel the beating of her heart, the rising and falling of her bare chest upon his side as she breathed in and out. She looked like an angel who had fallen from the sky here to bless him with her grace.

How could he not have seen her all these years? How could he have allowed himself to become absent, to neglect her?

Derek brushed a lock of hair away from her face.

Addison had come to Seattle to try and save their marriage, to try and make things right again. She had apologized over and over and all he had done was try to punish her and hurt her.

He called her Satan, pushed her away and yet she was still willing to be with him.

The moment Addison had given him the divorce papers, Derek had felt relieved. He was angry towards her and he felt an immense feeling of hatred.

When it came down to actually signing the papers, to actually cut his wife of eleven years out of his life, he couldn't bring himself to do it. All those feelings didn't matter because Addison was still the love of his life no matter what had come between them.

Even though Derek knew this, it was still difficult to return to the happy Derek and Addison that once was back in New York.

He had continued to ignore her and not see her. He continued to hurt her, to punish her even after choosing her.

What kind of husband does that? What decent man would want to hurt his wife?

But he knew that he didn't really want to hurt Addison. Maybe it was the residual resentment that caused him to do all those stupid things.

Stupid things. Of all the stupid things he had done, hurting Addison was the stupidest of them all.

When Mark showed up in Seattle, Derek had said he hadn't forgiven her.

During the holiday season, their favorite time of the year, he told her that he had fallen in love with Meredith.

Ugh. Meredith. How he didn't want to think about her right now, about the vow of celibacy she had broken last night, about all the flirting they had done before and after Addison had arrived.

The last, being just another thing he had done that hurt Addison.

Now, he really wondered why or how Addison even put up with him.

With all the crap he has put her through, it's surprising that Addison hadn't signed the divorce papers herself; however, now he was grateful that she hadn't.

After his encounter with the Bookers, he had told Addison that he was trying, and until last night, he hadn't really tried very hard.

All that was now about to change.

Derek didn't want to hurt Addison anymore; he didn't want to continue being the indifferent husband. What he wants is Addison and only Addison.

With that thought, Addison began to stir and her eyes slowly fluttered open.

She smiled up at Derek and said, "Good morning."

"Good morning, Addie." His hand brushed gently across her cheek.

Addison continued to smile as he touched her delicate skin.

"How long have you been awake?"

"Just for a while."

"Oh."

Silence filled the room as they both lay there without saying another word.

"So…last night,"

"Was amazing," Derek finished her sentence.

"Yeah," she smiled at him.

"Addie…I think it's time we talk…about some things."

Addison lifted her head off of Derek's chest and said, "Ok," and moved onto her side of the bed and sat up.

Derek could see the panic in her face and the worry in her eyes. It pained him to see how much she was going through with just the few words that he had spoken.

He gave her a slight smile in an effort to reassure her a little.

He too sat up in bed, but instead of looking at Addison, he stared down at his hands as he did not want to see her this way; troubled and vulnerable.

"Addie, in the time that I was awake, watching you sleep, I got to thinking about a lot of things; things that I know pains both of us very deeply."

Derek glanced up at Addison only to return his gaze to his hands a second later. She continued to watch him intently, not knowing where this conversation might turn.

"I thought about my actions when you first came to Seattle and all that I've done up until this point, and I've come to realize that I've caused you so much pain."

He lifted his head up and looked into Addison's eyes. He needed her to see how truly sincere he was about what he had to say next.

"Addison, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the things that I've said. I'm sorry for the things that I've done. I love you, Addie, and I really want to make this work, to have more nights like the one we had last night, to grow old together and be with one another for the rest of our lives."

As these words escaped Derek's lips, Addison's eyes began to well up with tears and they slowly trickled down her face.

Derek reached up and lightly brushed her tears away, resting his palm on her cheek.

"In order to make this work, Addie, we need to be completely honest with each other."

He paused as he saw fear engulf her body.

"I…I have been walking Doc with Meredith every other morning. She really needed a friend before, so I asked if she wanted to walk Doc with me, and so we have."

Derek stopped and looked at Addison. Her expression was unreadable; he could tell she had something on her mind.

"Addie, please say something."

Addison stared at him blankly before answering, "Um, we're all friends. You should be able to walk Doc with her. I uh, wish you would have told me before, but I understand."

Her voice was rather emotionless and Derek still couldn't figure out why, but he continued anyway.

"There's one other thing I need to tell you. Addie, I love you and last night was one of the greatest nights we've had together in a long time but I know how rumors travel around the hospital and I want to you to hear it from me first."

Addison finally woke up from her daze, now curious about what Derek had to tell her that was so serious.

"When I took Doc to the vet last night, Meredith was there…dressed only in Dandridge's shirt. Although I might have been a little bit jealous, it had nothing to do with what happened between us last night, I promise. I love you Addie, and please don't think otherwise."

Even though Derek's last sentence was quite reassuring, Addison still had doubts in her mind.

Insecurities filled her and she asked, "So you didn't sleep with me to get back at Meredith or because you were jealous?"

A little hurt by her inquiry, Derek quickly answered, "No, of course not."

Derek grabbed her hand and held it tightly.

"Addie, I had a patient yesterday who was a divorce attorney. She asked me whether I needed one and I answered 'no' without hesitation because I love you, Addie. Although my patient had aggravated me beyond breaking point, at the end of the day, she taught me to move on and to let go; let go of the past and most of all, let go of our problems. Addie, I want to let go and move forward…with you."

With that, Derek leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her lips. He could tell that she was relieved, but something still wasn't right.

Addison let out a sigh and looked over at Derek before turning away. It was now her turn to avoid eye contact.

Addison played with the wedding rings on her finger as she began to speak.

"Derek, I too, want to move on with you, and you're right, we need to be completely honest with each other. I'm not telling you this to hurt you, I'm telling you this so I can let it go, so _we_ can let it go and move on."

Addison paused, still nervously twisting the rings upon her finger, refusing to look up at Derek.

Now it was he, who was scared about what she was going to say next, but he knew that whatever it was, he'd look past it and move forward with Addison.

After she had collected her thoughts, Addison began to speak again.

"Derek, you left New York without a word and didn't tell anyone where you were going or when you'd be back. After several days of asking everyone we knew in New York where you had gone and not receiving any answers, I gave up. I…I knew that I had lost you and that you weren't coming back, and Mark, being Mark, was there and I…I stayed with him after you left."

As those final words left her mouth, Addison stopped playing with his wedding rings and turned to look at Derek.

Derek was shocked. Of all the things she could have said, he hadn't anticipated this one. She had stayed with Mark.

He continued to look into Addison's eyes and there he found pain and regret.

Tears were brimming in her eyes as she waited for him to respond.

Derek didn't want to see her like this anymore. He wanted the cheerful Addison he had married eleven years ago. He no longer cared about the mistakes that they had made. Sure, all of those memories would still reside in their minds, but now, none of those things mattered anymore.

It was time to let go of all that, to let go the part of him that had been hateful and indifferent, to let go everything that had brought the downfall of their marriage.

Derek took Addison into his arms and hugged her tightly.

"And now you're here with me," he said softly.

The tears that had been threatening to fall freely cascaded down her cheeks as she sobbed into his neck.

"And now I'm here with you."

Addison wrapped her arms around Derek's waist while her tears continued to fall upon her cheeks.

They had let go of everything, but they held on to one another closely; neither of them willing to let go of the other ever again.


End file.
